Memory Lane Update - Bug Zapper Alternatives
With the summer swarm season fast approaching, we here at Murder The Bugs can only hope and pray all of the humans of planet earth have done their due diligence in preparation for the forthcoming insect offensive and taken the proactive step of purchasing one of our Epic bug zapper rackets.However the harsh statistical reality remains that there are indeed a few poor souls remaining that do not yet own a powerful Super Large electric bug zapper racket, and while we can only hope and pray that these less fortunate individuals arm themselves in time to defend their property this coming bug season, let us also take this opportunity to remind ourselves of how our lives used to be before we owned a sensational bug zapper tennis racket.
Let’s all take a trip down memory lane, remember how the other half lives, and reminisce about the old timey bug zapper alternative insect killing methods of yesteryear.
The aggressive insect stomp
Ah, the good old bug stomp. A true classic. This method works best when you are wearing a heavy boot, preferably steel toed. It’s a fairly simple tactic to employ, and even small children can garner some joy from this beginner’s method. Simply locate an invasive insect that belongs to the slow crawler demographic, raise your leg above it – wait for the perfect moment – and savagely bring down your boot with extreme force, smashing the little bastard to smithereens. Generally speaking he bigger the insect you stomp, the greater the joy and inner satisfaction said stomping will give you. A nice fat big black spider is just about perfect for a good ol’ stomping – they tend to explode nicely into a choice puddle of wretched insect remnant.
The cup and cover
If a creepy insect is disrespecting your home via a wall crawl, and is located within arm’s reach – you might want to roll with the cup and cover technique. First gather the required tools - a flat rimmed clear glass and a piece of paper. Approach the insect slowly as not to startle it, then quickly move in and cover the pest with the clear glass – trapping it against the wall. Now you slowly slide the piece of paper underneath the glass, flip the glass upright and enjoy a moment of levity as you point and laugh at your stupid insect prey. If you are a hippie type you may foolishly choose to bring the glass outside and release the captured insect into its natural habitat – big mistake! Chances are that same bug will soon return to seek vengeance upon you! The smart thing to do is dump the bug into your toilet and watch it slowly drown as you flush it away to nothingness.
The newspaper smash
Perhaps the most well publicized non bug zapper killing tactic is the legendary newspaper smash. To execute this bug crushing classic simply roll any average newspaper into a tightly wound club like weapon, and swing for the fences. This technique has some drawbacks though – if you are hitting an Insect that is stationary on a wall or table – it’s going to leave a nasty smear when you blast it, and if you are free swinging at a flying hornet or wasp – worst case scenario – it might survive! Of course, needless to say it will then immediately double back and sting you in your face, so use the newspaper bug smash with extreme caution and calculated precision.
In summary, while any of these three “old school” bug killing and mosquito control methods will technically get the job done, they all pale in comparison to the neat clean devastatingly lethal ease of a huge bug exploding electrical tennis zapper racket. So If you are still living in the middle ages, snap out of it already and just buck up a measly 20 beans for one of our beastly electric bug zapper rackets, and start living a bug free life – 21st century style!
